A few days ago I had an interview right across from my first engineering job, a job I realized I still unconsciously dread. There I was, 3 years later, walking on the same streets with the same aura, the same blue sky and the same glass buildings. The streets still filled with rushed drivers and the sidewalk still had the inconsiderate pedestrians.
As I walked along, I felt my heart beat increase, though I wasn’t really sure as to what made me nervous. As the thought of running into someone from my previous work crossed my mind, I froze. To be honest my first job was a perfect job on paper. A great multinational company with multidimensional opportunities, a gorgeous office overlooking the city, a great package with lucrative bonuses combined with a high profile working environment. Though nothing catastrophic happened at my first job, I simply didn’t enjoy it. The work, the working culture, the environment, they just weren’t me. With the thought still overwhelming my brain, I continued to my new destination contemplating the possibilities.
Though the correlation can sound rather absurd, I felt the same fear that I’d feel before running into an ex boyfriend. Would he want to talk to me? What am I going to say? Why did I not come back, why did I decline their offer? Responses like “It was me not you” rushed to my head as I walked faster avoiding eye contact. A few more steps and there it was. The coffee shop where I spent 2 years of my working life wishing I wasn’t there. Every single molecule in my body froze, I couldn’t, I dint want to enter.
Suddenly this new job felt like I was considering returning to my ex. I mean it was right across from the previous job with the same downtown culture that I once hated. A similar multinational company in the same industry, it would possibly also have a similar corporate culture with its associated working environment. And then I thought to myself, why am I here? Is this what I want? Am I really ready for this?
Even with all these thoughts gushing through my brain I was able to have a successful interview and the company didn’t sound as bad as I had imagined. Now though this job has all the positive attributes of my previous job (negative attributes I’ll have to discover myself) the question remains: Do I get back with him? I guess it is a vicious circle that we all are stuck in, whether it is a job or a boyfriend. As time passes by the reasons why we ended a relation or declined a job offer lighten up from our memory, and we fail to see why we did what we did. On the other hand people change over time and therefore we question ourselves, maybe it won’t be that bad this time, maybe this one is different.